Better feedback, better listening, better everything

The leadership skillset that builds collaborative traction 

If you asked most leaders whether they listen well and give feedback effectively, the majority would say yes. The people around them might tell a different story.

That gap, between intention and actual impact, is where most interpersonal friction at work originates.

It shows up as feedback that never gets given, or that lands badly when it does. It shows up in the stories people construct when no one tells them clearly what’s working or what isn’t — stories that fill the silence, get retold, and harden into assumptions that are very hard to shift. It shows up on teams where small tensions accumulate because the conversations that would clear the air keep getting postponed.

In remote and hybrid workplaces, this gets harder still: the informal aside, the quick check-in after a meeting, the tone you could read in someone’s face — those friction-reducers aren’t as available as they used to be.

The good news is that these are learnable skills, not personality traits you either have or don’t – and they get reliably sharper with attention and practice.

That’s the premise behind my upcoming course with SFU Continuing Studies: Feedback and Listening for Effective Leadership. Two interactive virtual mornings, June 25 and 26.

On the listening side, we’ll practice what it takes to listen well under pressure, across difference and – especially – when you disagree.

On the feedback side, we’ll work with a simple but powerful model for giving useful, skillful feedback — both the kind that redirects and the kind that tells people what’s working and why. We’ll also hone skills for receiving feedback in ways that that help others feel seen while helping us grow, without deflecting or getting defensive.

The sessions are small, discussion-based, and built for practice with other leaders like you. You’ll leave with concrete tools and some hard-won perspective from peers working through the same challenges. 

We’d love to see you there!  Register here  

Tailoring Your 1:1s: Chaudhary’s Coaching Quadrant for Managers

In a recent post, I wrote about reclaiming 1:1 meetings as spaces for growth, trust, and alignment—not just polite check-ins or project updates.

At its heart, managing is largely about coaching. And those regular 1:1s offer a powerful opportunity to practice.

In her recent article, “4 Styles of Coaching—and When to Use Them” (Harvard Business Review, March 18, 2025), executive coach Ruchira Chaudhary shares a beautiful quadrant that managers and employees can use to quickly orient themselves to the most effective coaching approach.

She describes four coaching styles, based on how much push (directive guidance) and pull (open-ended support) a leader brings to the conversation:

  • Telling (high push, low pull): clear instruction and expertise-sharing
  • Hands-off (low push, low pull): stepping back and offering autonomy
  • Asking/Listening (high pull, low push): facilitating self-reflection
  • Collaborating (high push, high pull): blending inquiry with guidance

It’s a powerful reminder: there’s no single “right” way to coach. Skilled leaders shift their stance depending on context, urgency, and the needs and strengths of their team member.

If you’re looking to deepen the impact of your check-ins, Chaudhary’s push-pull lens can be a useful self-check:

Am I showing up the way this person most needs right now? Am I helping them play to their strengths? Am I getting in the way – or too hands-off? What might I dial up—or down—in this moment?

Often, the most effective coaching move isn’t offering advice or solving the problem. It’s creating the conditions for someone to stretch, reflect, and access their own resourcefulness and wisdom.

Chaudhary’s full article is well worth a read—you can find it in Harvard Business Review (March 2025).